Letter to Niña #3

Quezon City, August 2017.

Hello Niña.

Today is not a good day. It’s not bad but it’s not as negative to what it looks like. I don’t want to give in and say it is a bad one. It’s been rough.

Over the past few days, I’ve noticed that I have been constantly getting mood swings and episodes of silenced sadness. It reaches up to the point where there are a couple of hours where I don’t talk to people online or offline. To tell you the truth, the only person I’ve literally talked to today is my mum. I can’t bring myself to strike up a conversation or a comment to everyone around me. Everything just feels so hollow.

I’m not sure if you know this but there’s this guy in our 10th grade class who I have been acquainted to recently. He knows that I get these mood swings. This is what I know for sure: we both don’t know what might turn out sooner. I feel ultimately and terribly bad that he’s seeing this ugliness. I don’t want him to be affected about this. I really don’t. I care too much about people of not getting hurt because of me. I’d rather be hurt myself. I want him to understand. I hope he will understand sooner.

I hope that this is not going to turn out worse that expected. Everything feels so numb and frustrating.

I’ve also been stress-eating lately. My head constantly hurts and my chest feels heavy.

But you know despite all that, I’m not going to give up. There’s a world to conquer and a challenge to finish. Let’s keep moving forward, shall we?

ICYMI: Letter to Niña #2


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