R101 @ Plaza Mayor | September 2019
It has almost been half a year since I wrote and opened this account. My life has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. The ride has a lot of pits that are too aggravating and heart-stopping to continue. I held close to the bars or to the safety precautions the ride has, which is why I am still here. I am grateful although I am struggling lately. It’s has been quite a while since I’ve written here. Most of the time, I spend writing on my secret newsletter, writing away my frustrations and secrets that I would never let out here on my blog. (Don’t worry; they are nothing controversial. Just some intimate thoughts that speak to my core). But after a while, here I am. I’m not sure what gravitated me to write here again, considering that this blog has been a little stagnant than expected. I don’t know what this post will be about, in the next couple of paragraphs.
College has hit me this early, or so, as I have expected. The first semester is just about to end but I am whipped with work and stress. I’ve come across to some realizations that I will never be the best at anything, and that someone will always be better. I mean, I have accepted that truth ever since I started competing and learning. The difference now is that I face a bigger arena as compared to the past couple of years where I compete with those in my age. Now, I work more with people from varied backgrounds; from different colleges, universities, and those from different walks of life. I find it terrifying yet satisfying at the same time. I feel the need to explore more; because I don’t want to confine myself to learn in just 4 corners.
I’m not the best in academics, nor I think, with what I am doing but I try my best. But others would contend to this.
That, I completely understand. I too, would contend if I were other people. My friend Lance tells me that I got my shit together in life. I tell him otherwise but he tells me I am in a good direction. The question is, am I really in a good direction? Am I in the right direction?
Who am I to know? Who am I to determine what lies ahead?
The year is nearing to its end. Will I end this era with a bang? Or will it be just like every other year? I have so many questions that I could only answer, but it would be in its own time. I wish to tell you so many things but I don’t know where to start. My life is taken by a whirlwind of surprises and challenges. I am thankful for it, but not of everything. A lot of things still pain me; my anxiety, lost friendships, low self-esteem, and dissatisfaction in life. . I crave for so many things I cannot get. I wish things were better. I only have the hope that soon, all these will end.
Last year, I was more stable but I was not as strong as I am right now. This year is so much better, as compared to the previous one. There are ethereal joys I have experienced and sacrifices I had to make. All of them were worth it. Every single bit of it.
I am no heroine; just a fighter who’s a little too tired to wage through war. Tonight and tomorrow (and for the following periods to come), I will be taking care of myself. I will be taking care of my heart.
I promise to write more. I’ll see you soon.
Brin Isaac 